We are desperately waiting - waiting for something more. We long for something better. We know that things aren't the way that they should be. We know that we aren't the way we should be. Check out this passage:
That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens."Joyful anticipation"? Really? I know that I was joyfully anticipating the birth of my two daughters. The wait was tiresome at times. I remember that the closer we got to the 40 weeks the more we were ready to have them here. But the anticipation of this broken world being made complete is, many times, anything but joyful. It is sometimes the most painful experience of life.
We live in a broken and fallen world. The problem is that we expect things to be different, but when we get kicked in the teeth or punched in the gut by reality, we remember that we are broken, those around us are broken, and the world is broken. We aren't who we were created to be. This isn't the way that God planned it all to go. Check out how it continues:
All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us.Did you catch that? It's not only around us; it's within us. Within us!
The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.There is that phrase again, "the more joyful our expectancy." What the heck? Really? Was Job joyful in his expectancy? Was Joseph joyful in his anticipation of his dream? Was Jesus joyful in His expectancy of resurrection? Was Peter joyful in his expectancy of "on this rock I will build my church"? We are human and many times we put on ourselves these expectations of being Super Human. We want to be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. We want to be more powerful than a speeding locomotive. We want to be faster than a speeding bullet. But we aren't. We are human. We are broken!
The next verses of this passage are where I find myself most days. It is where hope is restored when I have no hope. When I find myself at the bottom of a dark cistern I know that my disappointment and frustration is being communicated to God by God.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.This is where I find myself more often than not - wordless sighs and aching groans. Frustration at every turn. Moments, brief as they are, of relief, but mostly struggle after struggle. I know that I am saved and that I have the Holy Spirit living in me. I know that God loves me, but the reality of life is very contrary to that knowledge. I hope that the Holy Spirit is keeping me present before God because I'm not sure that at times I want to be, or even deserve, in His presence.
If you feel this way, join me in voicing this prayer. It's okay to let your heart cry and your eyes weep. It's okay to let your heart break for the desire of our God. It's to not be Super Human. Just be real before God and He will be real before you.
-Prayer-
God, I can't do this any more. I have been trying to live for You, but I have failed at every turn. I come and bring my broken life and broken hopes and broken dreams to You. I am not who I, much You, want me to be. I am tired and frustrated. I am need of rest. You say in Your Word, "Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." I am in desperate need of rest and hope. I need Your hope. Scratch that request. I need You in my life. I need You to reveal Yourself in a real way in my life. I NEED YOU!!!
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