Separation Anxiety

"I don't feel loved!"
"I don't deserve to be loved!"
"Why would anyone love me?"

These are questions that race through my mind in moments like these.  I don't understand why anyone, especially God, would love me.  With the day that I had yesterday, and then looking back over the past 12 years, I see many failures and mess-ups.  I see many things that I wish I could go back and redo.  Remember having do-overs in elementary school PE?  Those were so great.  When you messed up  you could scream "DO OVER!!!!" and every one reset and you could try again.

The stress and pressures of life, marriage, parenting, finances, professional, and personal are overwhelming.  As a Christian, we think that we are supposed to be immune to these things, at least I do.  I have a mixed up perception of what life as a follower of Christ should be.  As a father I want the best for my girls.  I want them to have everything they need and most of what they want.  I then think that as God's child it entitles me to have all of my wants and most of needs.  When in reality what really matters?

Coming home after a long day and having my family come running to me, Jen included, screaming, "DADDY!!!" and throwing their arms around and kissing me - this is what I live for.  Life seems to come into focus better when we realize that we are loved.  Check out this passage that was next in line for reading today.  It is taken from Romans 8.31-39 (MSG):

So, what do you think?  With God on our side like this, how can we lose?  If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us?

Did you catch that?  "...gladly and freely..."  God will gladly and freely do anything for us.  Just look at His track record.  When has He failed you in the past?  I know that we think that He has failed us, but really?  Take a long hard look.  Has God ever let you down?  He might have answered it differently than you thought.  He might have taken a bit longer to answer than you thought, or really wanted.  But has He ever let you down?

And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen?  Who would dare even point a finger?

Take a break and notice this.  Who are they messing with?  God!  People knew growing up not to mess with my sister because, "That is Ryan's sister.  Don't mess with her."  I wasn't a bully but I was 6' 1" in the 9th grade, and she was only in the 4th grade at that time.  God is the same way.  He is our defender.  Thank you Lord.

The One who died for us--who was raised to life for us!--is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us.  Do you think that anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us?  There is no way!  Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

Look back at yesterday's scripture: He (the Holy Spirit) keeps us present before God.  Now today we see that Christ is in the presence of God, the Father, sticking up for us.  He is our BIG Brother.  He is effectively intervening on our behalf.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us.  I'm absolutely convinced that nothing--nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable--absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

What a great passage!  Nothing will shut God's love off to us.  Even we feel unlovable or unloved, God hasn't stopped loving us.  We might have something in the way of our experiencing it or living in it, but God hasn't stopped loving. I am thankful that in my time of feeling unlovable, I can know that I am loved.  In the moments when I choose to not live according to the truth of God's love, I am still loved.

An old counselor of ours had this quote on his desk:

"Truth is what God says no matter how I feel."

Thank God for this truth today.

Lord, right now I don't feel Your love.  I doubt that You are even for me at times.  Please break through my wall of defenses.  Please flood my heart, mind and life with the truth of Your word.  Thank You for continually pursuing me with Your love.  I am glad that Your love isn't dependent on my feelings or actions.  Reveal Your love to me today in a real way--a way that I can't explain but You.  Thank you for Your love.  Amen!

PS. I would love to know how is keeping up and what you think.  Please leave me comments if you want to hear a certain topic or anything.